Tuesday, 22 November 2016

The Kitschy Mumma's Guide to Christmas on a Budget

In my last blog post I wrote about how I've overcome a mild shopping addiction (see How blogging stopped me shopping) but don't be fooled. Just because I'm not a credit-card abusing maniac anymore it does not mean I'm not an online window shopper. I actually enjoy hunting around for toys/clothes/home accessories and have a knack for finding bargains and this Christmas will be no exception. After doing the arduous task of writing out my Christmas list and almost reaching for a piece of tinsel to hang myself with upon finding it exceeded thirty people (I don't even buy for Uncles/Aunties or Cousins anymore, how in Jesusmaryandjoseph's name do I have thirty people to buy for?!) I started scouting around for inexpensive (basically a nicer word for cheap) gifts that still impressed. Gifts where, if I opened them myself I wouldn't think "fucking hell I bought you something from NEXT you cheapskate, you're getting 99p store shite next year!"

Here is my list of inexpensive but impressive finds for under a fiver...

Framed Print- £4.95- Dotcomgiftshop

 Now this framed print may not be to everybody's taste but I happen to find it very eye-catching. The fact that it comes already framed makes it even better. I purchased a framed print in the sale from Dotcomgiftshop 3 years ago and I still adore it now.

'Dipped' vase - £4.95 - Dotcomgiftshop

 Now hear me out with this one. Vases probably don't seem like an obvious gift choice but as soon as I saw this I wanted it and I don't even like flowers. It comes in a range of different colours and I'm sure you'll earn some serious brownie points if you accompany it with a bunch of lilies too.

'World's best mum' bracelet - £4.95- Mollie and Fred
Personally this isn't my kind of thing but I'm sure many mummas would love to be greeted with this silver bangle from their babies. It's cute, it's meaningful and it's a good deal! Pull your finger out Dads, you can get it from here.

Robin Round Plate- £2.50- Sass and Belle
This plate is perfect for little trinkets, coins or 
even your keys. It's made from white gloss 
ceramic and the little bird is full of detail making 
it a charismatic piece to have on your side table.

Badly Timed Boners Book- £3.00- The Works
  We all know someone with a crude sense of humour. Whether it's your Brother, your Uncle or your partner, this book is guaranteed to raise a smile and definitely not a boner- some of these drawings will have blokes wincing and reaching to protect their meat n two veg.

Harriet Popham Textiles A6 Notebook- £4.00- Etsy 
These gorgeous notebooks from the super-talented Harriet Popham are full of charm. They come in different patterns and are an absolute bargain at £4.00. Check out the rest of Harriet's stuff at harrietpopham.etsy.com

Egg-splode egg cup and toast cutter- £4.99- IWOOT
 Make breakfast more fun for kids or unleash that inner child in the man with this tank egg cup. The helmet even keeps the egg warm. It's quirky, fun and cheap (sorry I mean "inexpensive")

  Sex tips for husbands and wives - £3.95 - Prezzybox

 Okay so this is more of a stocking filler and not something you can present to your Nan but I have this book on my bedside table and IT IS HILARIOUS. It makes it even better that it was actually written in 1894 as a serious book for new brides. Tips for the naive newlywed include  "give little, give seldom and above all, give grudgingly" 

Vintage Seaside Box of Puzzles- £3.95 - Dotcomgiftshop

Okay so they're not your every day 'Frozen' or 'Paw Patrol' puzzles but stick one in front of a child and they'll sit there for hours working every little piece out. They have some nostalgic charm to them that kids won't appreciate but I do, hence why I've bought a box for my Daughter.

Miniature drinks-bottles case - £3.95 - 31Dover
 This is perfect for those that enjoy a little tipple and at £3.95 it's affordable too. Just don't be tempted to drink them yourself. Oh fuck it, it's Christmas, do what you want.

Animal Hand Puppet- £3.99- WHSmith
Brilliant for little ones who are exploring their imagination, these hand puppets are half price. Team it with a book, maybe one that features the same animal as the hand-puppet and you've got yourself a lovely little gift. Poundland have fantastic books too. It will be a fiver well spent! Get yours here

Swallow Mug- £1.50- Dotcomgiftshop
I swear to you I am not a Dotcomgiftshop representative, I just absolutely love their stuff and this mug is a steal at £1.50! Get yours here..

Do it yourself wall art - however much you choose- YOU

My Mum's friend recently moved into a new home and my Mum wanted a reasonably priced gift for her. So I got my creative head on and managed to put together a gorgeous hare watercolour picture in a frame for the measly price of £4.99. It looks stunning but was so simple to create. I bought a greetings card with the beautiful watercolour hare on the front for £1.99 and a box frame for £3.00 from ASDA, put it together and BAM! This was the result..

This one is great because of the choice you have. Any greetings card can be placed in the frame and is guaranteed to be effective. I am a massive fan of Anne Taintor and her empire of greetings cards, fridge magnets, compact mirrors, hip flasks etc etc. They are all adorned mainly with retro images of 1940s housewives and typical 'magazine perfect' families but accompanied with witty, crude yet hilarious captions. If you have a friend or family member with a dark sense of humour, pop one of these in a frame and it looks like a personal, thoughtful (and downright funny) gift. I personally think they would look great in a kitchen as alot of Anne's designs are centred around looking like the perfect home-maker who can't cook for shit or be arsed to do housework.
It's not impossible to buy these from the U.K but you have to hunt around or hope that you come across a gift shop that stocks them. Amazon have a pack of Anne Taintor postcards for £6.99 that would do the job perfectly though. Available to purchase here

Kiss Me Kwik Cards are as equally funny and are a UK based company. You can pick one up for £2.20 (+ postage) My personal favourites include..


So there you have it. My list of inexpensive but impressive finds for under a fiver. I hope I've inspired some of you in your quest for gifts that don't bust your budget for the upcoming festive season. I haven't taken postage into account for these and let's face it, we all begrudgingly pay the postage so if you get the chance I would always look for free shipping codes before buying.

Happy low-cost spending!

The Kitschy Mumma

Diary of an imperfect mum

Monday, 21 November 2016

How blogging stopped me shopping..

"Sometimes we need fantasy to survive the reality" - unknown

I'm an escapist (not the magician kind.)

I've been sort of evaluating my life and I've come to realise this. The Wikipedia definiton of escapism is 'the avoidance of unpleasant, boring, arduous, scary or banal aspects of daily life.' I find life quite unbearable sometimes. Not that I have anything to moan about as I have birthed a pretty amazing little human being, I have a supportive and loving partner (despite what I wrote in this post) and a network of family and friends that pretty much make my life complete but life is mundane. I'm one of 'those people'. You know, the ones that always need something to look forward to. If there's not an upcoming holiday or a day of shopping or even a family meal to look forward to I walk around like I have a dark cloud over my head. A bad habit I possess is moving furniture around because I like the 'new' feeling it gives the house. I'm constantly looking for the next thing to add excitement to my life. I daydream constantly, my mind wanders into a world of complete nonsense. For instance, I could watch an episode of 'The Walking Dead' and suddenly I'll imagine myself as part of Rick's crew, stabbing walker's in the head and trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. I'll be sat in work and my mind will start to drift and I'll imagine that I've won the lottery. Who would be the first person I'd ring? How much would my first house cost (a fucking fortune judging from my vision), how much should I put in my Daughter's savings account. I don't want her to grow up spoilt so I wouldn't tell her she's sitting on a couple million. Would I go public with my win or keep it private? So many questions for somebody who is currently in her overdraft and hasn't bought a lottery ticket in months.

I've always has a penchant for shopping ever since I was young. Birthday money was spent on clothes. Whenever I visited my Dad in Bristol we went shopping which was an absolute treat as I come from a town where you can count the amount of clothes shops on one hand. When my Grandad passed away my Mum put £500 in mine and my Brothers' bank accounts ready for us to start driving as soon as we reached seventeen. I received the debit card when I was sixteen and spent all of mine on clothes, shoes and handbags. It carried on and on. I wouldn't say I was addicted, I just adored the feeling purchasing new clothes gave me. When online shopping really took off it became too easy. I would spend ages mooching around Asos and Boohoo. Sometimes adding everything I wanted to purchase into the shopping cart and then closing the page because I couldn't actually afford it. Other times I would justify to myself that I needed all of it, hold my breath, submit my payment and then feel immediately guilty.

Clothes soon developed into furniture and within a few months I blew hundreds and hundreds of pounds on LaRedoute as the bastards kept sending me 50% off codes everytime I made a purchase. It was like something out of 'Idle Hand', except my hands weren't running around murdering people they were entering my credit card details and getting me into debt. I needed a hobby. Something to channel my energy into that could possibly make me money. It started with decorating a dolls house. I love interior design and saw it as a way of creating my dream little house. Except one day I spent 2 hours wallpapering one wall (in the dolls house, not my actual house) and that pretty much sucked the enjoyment out of it.

So I had a bunch of patterned paper leftover from my failed attempt at decorating (again I'm talking about my dolls house not my actual house) and the urge to shop. So I made a greetings card and posted it on Facebook. People liked it. 

From there came my tiny little greetings card empire (not really an empire more of an eBay shop. Actually it's not even an eBay shop because I won't pay the £20 monthly fee so it's more just selling on eBay) Within 6 months I'd sold over 100 cards. All designed by me using my little laptop and the highly-complex and complicated program called Microsoft Paint (lolz) They're not your usual cute hallmark greetings cards, some of them are a bit vulgar, but then so am I so I couldn't give a shit.

Then came the blogging. I couldn't even tell you what gave me the idea. I have strong opinions and having a blog is a good platform to share them. I had no idea how therapeutic I would find it and how much people actually liked what I wrote. Getting to grips with Blogger and linkies took some time but the first time I ever linked up to one with Just the one please, Talya at Motherhood Real selected it as her favourite for the week and my zest for blogging and putting my voice out there grew. I've been blogging for 3 months (yes yes I'm basically a foetus in terms of my blogging expertise) and the best bit? I haven't shopped online at all.
With my creative juices (ew) flowing, I set up 'Kitschy Mumma Prints' and have recently channelled everything into creating prints as well as greetings cards. Now I can't draw for shit. If someone held a gun to my head and told me to draw a potato I would mentally start planning my funeral but I've taken to Adobe Illustrator and my latest welly boot family prints are really taking off. They aren't even vulgar or rude or anything. They're actually quite..cute. I might have to start putting pictures of cocks on them so I feel more like me.

I can't categorically say the urge to shop has disappeared. I still find myself on LaRedoute (the wankers are still sending me 50% off codes) and Asos but I haven't hit the add to cart button in a long time. When I put an item of clothing on that my boyfriend has never seen before and I tell him I've had it in the back of my wardrobe for ages, I'm actually telling the truth. Not thats he actually questions me on what I'm wearing as he's become pretty accustomed to my colossal amount of clothes and shoes. Plus he's a bloke and unless you're standing in front of them wearing a pair of crotchless knickers and suspenders, they don't really give a rats arse what you're wearing. It's just quite nice not having to refer to my 'list of how I magically attained this new item of clothing' with classics such as:
"I've had this for years" 
"It was only £3 in the sale"
"*insert friend's name here* gave it to me as she never wears it"

The Kitschy Mumma

P.S If anyone thinks I've used this post to shamelessly promote my greetings cards and prints, you're not entirely wrong, so here's my online store kitschymummaprints.etsy.com 
Absolutely Prabulous

Diary of an imperfect mum


Friday, 18 November 2016

My 73 Vogue Questions

I don't like to talk about myself really but when the lovely Katie at Mummy in a tutu put forward the '73 vogue questions' I thought I'd give it a go. What have I got to lose? Except maybe my dignity as I have confessed that I like Cluedo and Scrabble but bugger it. Here goes..
  1. Favourite movie? Definitely 'The Full Monty'
  2. Favourite movie in the past five years? Oh lordy I have no idea. Probably 'Bridesmaids' (that's in the past 5 years right? I still think 2005 was 5 years ago)
  3. Favourite Hitchcock film? The only one I've seen is 'The Birds' and that shit me right up! Don't like it when a seagull is eyeballing me even now.
  4. A book you plan on reading? 'The Highway Code' I've been having driving lessons for a year and a half and still not read it. I intend to very soon. I hope my driving instructor isn't reading this.
  5. A book that you read in school that positively shaped you? I can't think of a book I read in school (that's terrible) but I remember in one of the Science books there was a story about a young lad who died from taking one ecstasy pill and that's always stayed with me.
  6. Favourite TV show that’s currently on? The Walking Dead (Daryl Dixon= droooool!)
  7. On a scale of one to ten, how excited are you about life right now? Maybe a 4? I'm a glass half empty person.
  8. iPhone or Android? iPhone. Once you go Apple there's no returning.
  9. Twitter or Instagram? Probably Instagram. Twitter doesn't satisfy my need to be nosey.
  10. Who should EVERYONE be following right now?  Ahhh so many talented bloggers! Um... Notaneffingfairytaleblog is HILARIOUS. I love Talya at Motherhoodreal and Catie at An Imperfect Mum has a lovely way of writing and Prab at Absolutely Prabulous nearly made me cry with this blog post
  11. What’s your favourite food? Spaghetti Bolognese, curry, cake, pizza the list is endless. I LOVE food, I literally think about it as much as a bloke thinks about sex. I would eat every minute of the day if I could.
  12. Least favourite food? Cat food (See answer to above question)
  13. What do you love on your pizza? Ham, Mushrooms, Peppers, Onions, Chicken, Meatballs
  14. Favourite drink? Fruit cider, I could drink it like squash
  15. Favourite dessert? Cheesecake/ Chocolate fudge cake
  16. Dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Milk chocolate. Dark chocolate is not a treat stop kidding yourself.
  17. Coffee or tea? Tea. I love the smell of coffee but cannot drink it
  18. What’s the hardest part about being a mum? The anxiety about keeping your child safe. The incessant whinging.
  19. What’s your favourite band? Blink 182 (before Tom Delonge left)
  20. Favourite solo artist? I love Eva Cassidy and  David Gray
  21. Favourite song? It's a toss-up between 'This Year's Love' by David Gray and The CBeebies bedtime song.
  22. If you could sing a duet with anyone, who would it be?  The immensely talented Eva Cassidy
  23. If you could master one instrument, what would it be? The drums. I'd love to just go absolutely batshit crazy on a drumkit.
  24. If you had a tattoo, where would it be? I currently have 3 small ones but would love one on my foot. Too much of a chicken shit.
  25. To be or not to be? Don't do Shakespeare
  26. Dogs or cats? Dogs, Cats freak me out when they do that clawing/stretching thing on your lap and scratch your legs to shit.
  27. Bird-watching or whale-watching? Whale watching. I'm not quite an 80 year old man just yet.
  28. Best gift you’ve ever received? A John Rocha fur coat. I literally feel like I should be in New York in the 1940s when I wear it. That's a pretty good feeling.
  29. Best gift you’ve ever given? I gave my boyfriend a fishing trip to the one place on Earth he's always wanted to fish.
  30. Last gift you gave a friend? One of my welly boot illustrations as a gift for her new home.
  31. What’s your favourite board game? Cluedo as I should have been a detective! I'm pretty good at Scrabble. Monopoly turns me into a raging wealthy property investor intent on destroying everyone around me.
  32. What’s your favourite country to visit? Prague was amazing.
  33. What’s the last country you visited? France (Bonjour mon ami, that's the extent of my French)
  34. What country do you wish to visit? USA (New York)
  35. What’s your favourite colour? Yellow. I don't know why. Or mint green.
  36. Least favourite colour? Brown. Just takes me back to the first year of parenting. So much poo.
  37. Diamonds or pearls? I wouldn't trust myself to wear either.
  38. Heels or flats? Flats. The maximum heel size I can wear is 4 inches. Although I did slip over in flip flops once and landed spread eagle in town so I'm not even confident of my ability to walk in flats.
  39.  Pilates or yoga? Neither. Exercise is Satan's sport.
  40. Jogging or swimming? See above answer
  41. Best way to de-stress? I design cards and prints which seems to keep me pretty sane (ish)
  42. If you had one superpower, what would it be? Invisibility. I would be sneaking around everywhere. Plus I wouldn't have to pay for the bus.
  43. What’s the weirdest word in the English language? I don't know about the weirdest but the worst is 'spore'. As in 'mould spore' - makes me shudder!
  44. What’s your favourite flower? Probably Lilies.
  45. When was the last time you cried? I had a toot the other day, I blame coming off the pill after 11 years.
  46. Do you like your handwriting? Nope. I actually envy people's handwriting.
  47. Do you bake? Nooo. I would be the size of the Titanic if I did.
  48. What is your least favourite thing about yourself? I have a very explosive temper if somebody wrongs me and it's got me in trouble a few times.
  49. What is your most favourite thing about yourself? I'm extremely empathetic. Something I always try to encourage my Daughter to be.
  50. Who do you miss most? The carefree, anxiety-free me before having children
  51. What are you listening to right now? 'Turning Page' by Sleeping at Last. His voice is just amazing.
  52. Favourite smell?  Washing powder. Had pika when I was pregnant and sat sniffing boxes of it.
  53. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My Mumma
  54. Who was the last person you sent a text to? My friend Haleigh
  55. A sport you wish you could play? Every time the olympics is on I'm insanely jealous of the Bendy Wendys (the gymnasts)
  56. Hair colour? Brunette/ blonde ombre (can't deal with roots)
  57. Eye colour? Blue/ Green
  58. Scary film or happy endings? I used to be a horror fanatic but they make me feel a tad anxious now so happy endings.
  59. Favourite season? I love Winter because of Christmas but conker hunting is the best thing to do with children so Autumn.
  60. Three people alive or dead that you would like to have dinner with? Peter Kay, Tom Hanks and Heath Ledger
  61. Hugs or kisses? I'm not a hugger but sometimes a hug can catch me offguard and make me feel all lovely and warm my cold black heart.
  62. Rolling Stones or the Beatles? The Beatles
  63. Where were you born? Taunton, Somerset. Oo ar oo ar.
  64. What is the farthest you have been from home? I'm shite at Geography. Greece? or Barcelona?
  65. Sweet or savoury? Savoury but I'm partial to a slice of cake every other day.
  66. Lipstick or lip gloss? Lipstick. Lipgloss should be renamed lipstick though as it sticks to pissing everything.
  67. What book have you read again and again? 'Where Rainbows End' by Cecelia Aherne
  68. Favourite bedtime story? If it's reading to my child probably 'Get into Bed' but I used to love the 'Sophie' books by Dick King Smith as a youngun.
  69. What would be the title of your autobiography? 'I don't like to talk about myself'
  70. Favourite sound? My Daughter belly-laughing.
  71. Favourite animal? Orangutan
  72. Who is your girl crush? Poussey in Orange is the new black. Don't know why she just has 'something'
  73. Last photograph you took? 
    I tried to make people feel sorry for me about the insane amount of work I came back to after one day off but I don't think it worked.
So there you have it. It wasn't that bad actually aside from reliving the flip-flop incident. I'm off to eat some cake and sniff a box of washing powder now...


Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Not everyone is meant to stay...

I'm no expert in psychology or relationships but I know an arsehole when I see one and though I have only reached the tender old age of 25, I sure know when something or someone needs to be kicked to the kerb with your daisy roots! Here are four utter shitty and toxic situations that are as beneficial to your life as a third nipple.

Toxic Family
The saying goes 'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.' It's a horrible thought that your flesh and blood might not have your best interests at heart, whether it's parents, siblings, cousins etc. Perhaps it's just one person in your family or a few, whatever the issue is, if it's affecting your mental health and draining you of your happiness, it's a toxic situation. There are a number of emotions that can occur when you are around a toxic family member; anger, numbness, sadness all of which will take a toll on you (and probably them) mentally and emotionally. If the situation cannot be resolved, sometimes you have to let go. Seventeen years ago, a huge feud occurred in my family. A feud that has only just been resolved recently when apologies were made and people realised that life is too short to hold grudges. If you cut a toxic family member out of your life, it doesn't mean it's for good. You can always re-evaluate your relationship at a later point. It just means that at that moment in time taking care of your mental well-being is more important than catering to somebody who is having a negative impact on you.

Toxic Friend
Before having a child, my friendships were the core of my life. I have (and still have) a solid group of friends, most of whom I have been friends with for the majority of my life. We support each other, we take the piss out of each other but most of all we understand each other. As we have gotten older, sleepovers and pretty much living in each others pockets has been replaced with a weekly lunch date or a girl's night out. We have come to understand that we live our own lives and try to make time for each other whenever we can. Relationships/ careers/ babies have taken centre-stage, but that's okay. If you would rather stay in and eat Dominos with your love while watching a box set than meet the girls for a catch-up, that's cool. You are your own person. A toxic pal would make you feel like utter shit for it. A toxic pal wouldn't take into account that you may have had a shit week at work or you just want to catch up on The Walking Dead whilst stuffing your face with a Mighty Meaty (that sounds bad, I don't mean of the penis variety). Kids or no kids, life is exhausting and if there's a certain person that you dread spending time with as they have the power to make you feel rubbish about yourself then perhaps reconsider your friendship? Women tend to rely heavily on their friends for emotional support and while we don't want somebody that is a lick-arse and doesn't offer some degree of honesty to our lives, somebody that seems hellbent on being in constant conflict with you is somebody you could do without.
The best bunch of shit-shirt-wearing bitches I've been lucky enough to meet

Toxic Ex
We've all been there. That one ex that you can't seem to shift out of your life. They get a sniff of you moving on and send the obligatory 'how are you?' and 'I miss you' messages. It can debilitate you and make you re-consider why you split up in the first place. It can put your current relationship on hold as you find yourself comparing the two. In every relationship I've had, it's always been me that's left (the dumper so to speak- what a bitch) but this does not mean I haven't been susceptible to the old ex coming crawling back. It's comfortable, it's ego-boosting, it's toxic. I will hold my hands up and admit that I have been guilty in the past of hooking up with ex's out of sheer boredom but if somebody wants to move on and they make that very clear, it is their right to. People that act like puppeteers trying to pull strings, the 'I don't want them but I don't want anyone else to have them' types are better off out of your life. As soon as a toxic ex realises you aren't there for their needs physically or emotionally anymore, well they will probably talk bullshit about you, but laugh it off with your head held high. If you need to do that pros and cons list and hang it on your wall to remind you to keep moving forward, do it! Delete them on Facebook, Twitter or whatever makes the process easier. If the temptation to have a nose at their life without you in it is too much, you may end up turning into the toxic ex you are trying to escape from.

Toxic Workplace
It's a fact that people who feel appreciated will go above and beyond what is expected of them and in the workplace, this is no exception. Jobs forge a huge part of our lives. If you are unhappy in your workplace the chances are it will affect other areas of your life too. If you feel unappreciated or 'over-worked and underpaid' as so many people do, it may leave you feeling extremely down and well, useless. I'm fortunate to have a job that pays well and a boss that makes me feel appreciated. Others I know aren't quite so lucky. The biggest outrage for me is that people who work in the care industry are on minimum wage and are carrying out the most strenuous and challenging tasks daily. It's a shame that some people who end up in the industry don't give a shit and do just see it as 'do a half-arsed job for minimum wage' but there are some fantastic carers out there who invest themselves in the job emotionally as well as physically and do not earn a wage that reflects this.
Communication is everything and if you cannot approach your boss to discuss issues in the workplace without being shut down or belittled, work colleagues are not interested in supporting each other or you wake up and literally feel your soul being crushed at the idea of heading to your job, you my friend, are in a toxic workplace. If you believe you are destined for bigger things, you will achieve it. I think that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can peak. You were not put on this Earth to work and pay bills but unfortunately it is something we cannot escape from. Don't burn yourself out working for somebody who does not see value in your worth.

I am not an expert in life but if you can identify with anything I've mentioned in this post, perhaps it's time to wave goodbye to the toxicity and go get your happily ever after.

I am however an expert in arguing for the sake of it, eating my bodyweight in spaghetti bolognese and Microsoft Excel so if you need a feisty, pasta-consuming bitch who can do spreadsheets hit me up.

The Kitschy Mumma

Cuddle Fairy

Monday, 24 October 2016

The difference between the impossible and possible...

My Daughter is an example of this beautiful quote. Here is a picture of her almost two weeks ago. 
She looks like she's just stood on a hill.  Well okay, she is just stood on a hill but she's been determined to climb this hill since she first set eyes on it almost a year ago. She couldn't do it without me alongside her. We would head to the top together and then I would look like a right tit going down the slide multiple times. Eva has very mild cerebal palsy and right sided hemiplegia which affects the movement on the right side of her body. People are surprised to find this out as she doesn't look like she has a disability (be it a very mild one.) She received her orthopaedic boots 2 weeks ago. Bright pink ones, she chose them herself. I wanted her to choose navy as it goes with everything (I sound like my Mother) but what Diva wants Diva gets (except for milkyway magic stars at 6 in the morning) and on the first day of wearing them, she accomplished climbing that hill!
There's no stopping her now she's armed with her bright pink boots! Perhaps she'll choose navy next time?

The Kitschy Mumma

Absolutely Prabulous
Cuddle Fairy

Friday, 21 October 2016

Oh Hello Mum-guilt, we meet again...

"Piss off Michelangelo"

It's safe to say the past few days in our household has been draining. My Daughter has a cough. If you're not a parent you'll probably think "oh right, just a cough?" If you are a parent, you will know that a child with a cough is like a man with 'man-flu'. It's constant whinging, getting up and down in the night more than the Grand Old Duke of pissing York. Cough medicine is as much use as a waterproof teabag. Of course you have to have the patience of a Saint (SaintyMcFuckOffCough) as it's not their fault but mentally, I'm done. I slept on a toddler mattress on her bedroom floor last night with a Ninja Turtle pillow under my head. I need a week of sleep to recover from this. To top it off the anxiety and 'Mum-guilt' has been in full force over the past 2 days. 
I'd been volunteering in a Primary School for a few weeks in the hopes of eventually getting a job there in a few years (not having to find childcare in the school holidays being a tiny incentive.)  My Mum was looking after my Daughter for one morning a week so that I could go on my latest venture. The kids took to me like a duck to water (I always seem really fun to any child that isn't my own.) I got a bit put off when I realised I'd forgotten everything in the national curriculum. We're talking "what the hell is a pro-noun?" and "what is the correct lingo when it comes to bloody times tables?" I would have persevered I'm sure but my Mum had to return to work so I couldn't continue it. I was sad but these things happen. Then I had a phone-call from the school basically offering me the chance of a full-time position in January working one-to-one with students. I was flattered and confused. I've been in the same job for over five years and I'm pretty good at it. I was weighing it up in my head but the final decision maker was that cranky old bitch I call 'Mum-guilt'. She's the mental equivalent of thrush. She pops up to say "Hi, this decision you're about to make will have a serious negative impact emotionally and psychologically on your kid. Best you forget about it or I ain't leaving you alone.Ever." I would have had to move my Daughter to a different nursery. She's been at her current nursery for 3 years and the thought of her leaving her friends and the caregivers she is used to made my heart wither and feel really sad. She starts school next September and I've convinced myself that two upheavals in one year will mentally scar her. Plus I can't bear the thought of her in nursery for five days a week even though I know she would be fine. I had visions of me leaving her in the new would-be nursery, a completely different setting, baffled and sad. Having to adjust to new people and surroundings only to be shipped off to school eight months later and re-adjust again. That was my mind made up. I phoned the school back a couple hours later and thanked them for thinking of me but I couldn't accept. I feel I've made the right decision but I know 'Mum-guilt' has been a massive factor in it.

Today, the Diva has returned to nursery. Financially I can't afford to take a day off and it's got to the stage where she's starting to milk her cough a tad as opposed to suffering from it. She was adamant she wasn't going. I said she could take her new toy dog with her and that seemed to sway it. We arrived at nursery and I was full of hope that it would be a smooth process of leaving her without a tantrum. Cue the hysterical crying and reaching out of the arms and the "Mummmmmmmy" like I was leaving her with a bunch of rabid dogs. I was running late for work, I had to leave. 

Hi Mum-guilt, we meet again.

The Kitschy Mumma

*Five minutes after writing this post I had a phone-call from the Nursery to say she is not really eating and is quite teary.

Hello again Mum-guilt! Fuck off now please.

Diary of An Imperfect Mum
The Pramshed